Ok back to my doctor once again, she didn't really tell me anything special, just that she wanted me to keep taking the meds for another month and then come have a follow up, with the hope that they'll start to actually help, since it usually takes about 2 weeks for them to kick in. unfortunately, my insomnia has started up again. one thing i'm learning is that if i don't eat much or at all, like yesterday, i have a very difficult time sleeping. it isn't that i'm starving myself, my nerves are just outta wack and i don't ever feel hungry. most of my problems tend to happen when i am by myself and have no other options of friends around. as soon as i started to feel crappy again, my best friend flew to New York for a show he had to play and all the other male influences went on a retreat that i wanted to go on, but had work and couldn't get covers.
i've been trying to talk to God, or what i call Ultimate Reality, but it is difficult since i don't know where i stand as far as believing in all that spiritual business. in my comparative religions course my professor asked this question on a in class assignment, "are all religions one?". first thing that pops in my head is, what is "one"? how would you define "one"? if it is meaning exactly the same, then i think even a blind man can see that that is not possible. what else could "one" mean? all religions are pointing to the same thing, freedom or liberation, maybe? ya i think that has potential, but i thought of something else. so far in the few eastern religions, primarily in asia, i've studied along with my prior knowledge of christianity and a bit on judaism, they all believe there is a problem within the world. all also believe in a solution to be reached. and finally they all think they have a way to that solution. let me try out some examples: christianity (P: sin in the world, we are fallen W-to-S: jesus christ, accepting, believing, and trying to live a life exemplifying JC S: salvation, we can all be saved by giving our lives and souls to God.) here's another one with Buddhism (P: life is circular, continuous, repetitive until we extinguish the flame, there is pain and suffering in the world, which is caused by our desires or cravings. W-to-S: the 8-fold path, or middle way, a guide to direct one to letting go of their desires in order to extinguish the flame and save them self from the pain and suffering in the world. S: experience Nirvana, nothingness, the place where you have no desires, all that exists is your soul, but you are no longer attached to it.) you see completely different beliefs in solutions and ways there, yet both can be classified as religions. so i thought of a short phrase, "religions have three parts: a problem, a solution, and a way to that solution. cultures gather together and decide on what they believe the specifics to be of these three parts." you see they are all different based on cultural differences, just like human beings, which is why we are so unique. why should our concepts on religion be any less than unique?
anyways, tonight is one of those nights where i really struggled to get 4 hrs under my pillow. i tried very hard to get to sleep, but i feel you can only drink so much "sleeptime extra" tea until your body starts to get immune to the products effects. despite what i just said i'm going to warm some more tea up and hope that it is all pyschological and i'll be able to get a few more hours under my belt. interesting side note and what i'll end this with, on dictionary.com's word of the day they choose, lucubration. their definitions of the word are: 1.The act of studying by candlelight; nocturnal study; meditation. 2. That which is composed by night; that which is produced by meditation in retirement; hence (loosely) any literary composition. the reason i found it interesting is the time in which i'm writing this, and my lack of commitment to write in over a year, yet i'm here now writing. i hope that those who read my lucubration were able to be met somewhere along this.
