so saturday night i decide i'm going to church by myself, but i wasn't gonna go to a church building rather go have my own alone time with God and just call it church (i haven't and right now am not gonna give much info about my beliefs and experiences with "the church" but let's just say for now, i'm not a big fan of that term). moving on, i emailed bruce schooling, the dean of the business school at point loma and he sent me one back. one thing he told me is to start finding who God is in me and to do that i should start in the gospels and learn his story. i thought what the heck i'll go for it. just before i go to bed i set up this whole plan that whenever i wake up i'll get ready and go to this starbucks in la verne that i went and hung out at a couple times my freshmen year. i'll devote a good chunk of time to God, reading, thinking, praying, and then i'll go over to utility board shop to see if there is anyone i worked with still there. then come home and blog about my experiences. pretty good plan huh!
sunday morning comes i roll outta bed (i sleep on the floor under my cousin so yes i mean this literally) and what do i do.. hop in the shower? WRONG! i jump on the love sack in the living room, turn on the tv, and play smash bros on n64 for 3 hrs!! i was soo bummed that i lacked the motivation or the discipline to follow through with the plans that i made. i lack the discipline to act on my words.
why do i need to be so motivated to schedule time for God? shouldn't me waking up in the morning be enough? right now its not enough, but hopefully one day it will be that important to me. that i won't be right to walk out my door without giving him respect. i can't see change, but i can feel it each day stirring inside me. i just don't know where that change will take me.
